Instant Friendship, Just Add Sandwich

For My Fair Feathered Friends, Jekyll Island, Georgia


Instant Friendship Equation: p+s=bf
Where p=person, s=subway sandwich, and bf=bird friends

Instant Friendship Recipe
Surrounded by conditional friends,
Under the impression I'm generous,
Under the impression I care,
Instead, I stare,
I start,
They jump,
Epiphany
I'm not the expected bankroll.
They fly,
Closer to the waves.
Instant friendship recipe,
Bring a sandwich to the beach.

Caffeine is the New Cranberry

Recall how cranberries found their way into virtually every fruit juice mixture? It wasn't enough to just have apple juice, or grape juice--the good folks of Oceanspray and Dole saw fit to throw in some cranberry. Apparently its what consumers wanted. I've noticed a new trend--a "cranberry" that is finding its way into a variety of foods and beverages. Caffeine. Energy drinks, Crystal Lite, Snickers, and even oatmeal. That’s right, oatmeal.

Snickers Charged

There are Snickers bars that contain 60 mg of caffeine; they are called Snickers Charged and they have a boat load of them at Big Lots. And I bought some. I'm satisfied...and awake.

The Only Thing With a Heartbeat I've Touched All Day

So, here I go, spending my evenings as I do; saturated by a mixture of mediums from television to print to Internet. I keep my pulse on the culture, the nation, the weather; of course all these things have no pulse, unless flashing lights, blinking cursors, and turning pages count.

My pet pushes her way on my lap; displacing the laptop allowing me to type, to connect, to face the world without embracing it.

And then I realize, she's the only thing with a heartbeat I've touched all day; I respect you, so I'll tell you candidly, I wouldn't want it any other way.

Fleet Foxes Denial

Last week I attempted to purchase a Fleet Fox compact disc at my local Target. I was unable to make the purchase--the checker said "When I scan it a message pops up that says 'unable to sell at this time'--sorry." I bet they never have this problem when selling Rihanna albums...

Prescription Drug Commercials

Prescription drug commercials are evil. When future generations look back in time, trying to pin-point the moment in time when civilization went to hell, they will come to the same conclusion I have--it all went wrong when prescription drug commercials began appearing on television. In my current television viewing experience I can barely make it through an enjoyable 30-minute situational comedy without having to hear about herpes and erectile dysfunction. To top all of this off, I am warned if I have restless leg syndrome and take a popular prescription drug to treat it (that will remain unnamed) then I may have sudden urges to participate in gambling, sex, or illicit drugs. Apocalypse now!

Mambo No. 5

I swear the Mambo No. 5 guy jaywalked in front of my car today, following my bargain shopping at the Big Lots. He looked disheveled, which gels since he just had the one hit--Mambo No. 5 (although you'd think he could have cranked out a quick follow up hit called Mambo No. 6...). He was really sweaty, but not from dancing--from the hot, hot, horrid Florida sun. Wherever you are Mambo No. 5 guy, I wish you the best of luck in your jaywalking and mambo endeavors.

Let the Inefficiency Begin

Inefficient (adj.): a low ratio of work accomplished to the energy supplied (Jane Jacobs)

Context (n.): the interrelated conditions in which something exists or occurs (Merriam Webster)

Inefficient Context: A blog about my life.

You're welcome.